Being my stubborn self

Did you ever have that feeling where you're wrong, but you refuse to admit it? Not only to others but also to yourself? you bring yourself in this big illusion that everything you did in that situation were the right decisions.. but hey, guess what? ehh.. you're wrong. Gosh.. It's so hard to face reality sometimes. And at those times we want to make it softer by just saying that it was what the situation compelled to occur. It's like saying when you fell, that you attacked the floor. Who'll actually believe it? you can fool others to some extent, you can fool yourself to a certain extent too, but ultimately the truth will surface, and we'll have to face it. We are always encouraged to stand up and face the truth like a person with dignity, but ow it's so hard. Yet, it shall be rewarding. I think.. hehe..

I am happy!.. I am happy?... Am I?

It's funny how once the sadness is there in our hearts, there is no way to forget anything. We try and try, but ultimately it's there, no matter how we turn. I wish it was the same with happiness, but somehow or the other, sadness is becoming a normal status of the average person, and if they're lucky, then only are they happy. I guess that's why we all search for something that will grant us eternal happiness, and no return to our miserable state from before. Searching for something which would make us eternally happy.. I guess just being in that search already creates some kind of joy in the heart, because you're doing something which will make you happy.. Haha!.. confusing thought..

 

Gratifying the senses...

Although I am not that much in my sorrow mood, I still don't feel the urge to cook nice things or buy nice things to eat. I searched for it on the internet, to see what the reason could be for this. I found a very interesting explanation to my condition.. It said that generally we consider eating a pleasurable thing, and we eat generally because we want to gratify our senses, in this case the tongue especially. Some people when they are not content and feel as if there is a big gap in their life, do not feel any impetus to gratify the senses, or doing anything pleasurable. And some are just the opposite, they try to fill this gap inside of them by eating as much as they can. I have noticed that with some people actually. When some of my friends feel down, they just eat as much as they can, and apparently they feel better. I on the other hand, only feel more more guilty so to say. It's strange that I say guilty, but that's kind of how I feel when I want to take something tasty, which I do not HAVE to eat. Lately that's how I feel.. "Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison." ~Lord Chesterfield. I guess because of my down-period I have somehow accumulated so much sadness, that it in a certain sense poisoned my appetite.. However on the other hand there is another beautiful quote "Let your tears come. Let them water your soul." ~Eileen Mayhew. This kind of correlates to one of the previous posts I wrote, about the space one needs in order to work with their sorrow.. I guess it's both.. As Albert Einstein also said "Life is like a bicycle, to keep our balance we have to keep on moving". I love that quote. Everything that is considered perfect, is in balance with everything.. Just think about it. :)

Standing up for myself..

This morning I was just thinking how it seems as if  I have dual personality disorder. When one part of me becomes too depressed, another part comes up as a reflex. Kind of a defense mechanism. It's funny, because you feel protected, yet hurt at the same time. However it feels like someone, except for the people around you is actually taking care of you, in the way that is needed.. space is definitely a must, when someone's down. When you go over the stage of needing your own space, then one grows to the next level, and that's rejuvenating one self. Just becoming extra hyper, and extra jolly, is a way of balancing out the depressive inner feeling. However, it still feels empty inside. I reckon its like my body is just hoping that it will fill up over time. Like the biggest joy is pulled out of our life, and in order to fill it back up, we take each tiny happy moment. It for sure takes time, but we don't have another choice, unless you want to walk around like a zombie the whole day.

""Today, many will break through the barriers of the past by looking at the blessings of the present. Why not you?" ~ Steve Maraboli

The Art of Drawing

Sadness is definitely a great impetus to the talents of an artist. "Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures" ~ Henry Ward Beecher. True. You can just see the different nature of different people, according to what their arts produce. I love also what Pablo Picasso said about painting. "Painting is just another way of keeping a diary". Sometimes we keep diaries, and we're just afraid someone might read them. The beautiful thing for artists is that they hide their words in the lines of their art. "Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen."  ~Leonardo da Vinci. Although I don't paint, I draw, these are still applicable to any type of art you do. Because as Amy Lowell said: "Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in." And also famous painter Igor Babailov has said: "Even when you paint, you never stop drawing." The thought I live in today. 

Just funny thoughts i found

There are no stupid questions...but sometimes stupid answers.

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Talk to you all night, die from lack of sleep next day..worth every minute

Staring at the kid who finished the test first as if he just climbed Mount Everest

Whoa... I stood up too fast.

it's only in the black of the night you can see the stars.

I wouldn't have to be such a smartass if you weren't such a dumbass.

returning to school after the summer only to find that I have forgotten how to write.

I could really use a wish right now...

I hate being second to those I put first.

Awkward moment when you say bye to someone but end up walking the same way.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm waiting to see if you'll make the effort... for once!

you dont like me?, oh boohoo, what makes you think i like you

My level of sarcasm is in proportion to your level of stupidity.

Hate is a strong word, but love is tossed around like nothing.

Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupidity

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

It's sad how most people become who they promised they'd never be.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police

Sometimes there is no next time, no time outs, no second chances. Sometimes it's now or never.

LOL i'm good at keeping secrets because i forget them.

i'm not weird. i'm limited edition.

I wish I was little again, when the hardest choice was picking a crayon.

When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours we fall in love.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

what goes around, comes around.. and I CAN'T WAIT TIL IT COMES YOUR WAY!!!

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it

If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??...yea, i saw it on Facebook...

not wanting to go to sleep........ then not wanting to get up

I hate it when people add you, then ask who you are.

Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil

you remind me of a penny , beacuse ur two faced and worthless (:

The older I get The more I don't care if I fit in with everyone else.

Fear leads to....

A thought crossed my mind. Something I heard. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering." ~ Yoda. Yeah it looks funny that I quote Yoda, but it's definitely a true statement. If you think about it properly, it's very unnatural to hate anyone. Because just think about it. When you hate a person, you feel so uncomfortable, so it's not a natural thing. And we all want to stop our suffering. So how do we do this? Attack the root-cause, side-kick here, roundhouse kick there, and the final punch. Boo-yeah!.. haha.. 

Yeah, I wish it was as easy as attacking a physically alive entity. But it's not. Anger is so subtle, and in order to attack it, we have to do it subtly too I reckon. Humility could be seen as one of the ways of subtly attacking the anger, but, till when can we keep it up. Society is so polluted that they'll just take advantage of those who are humble, only when they die, are their pure qualities truly appreciated. Gosh, do you really have to wait until they die? Did you ever have the experience that you did something, and then when you see someone else doing the same, only then you notice their struggles, or other attempts? you know right? Well, that's how it is. no? We should at least try to be humble and attack the subtle anger, and then you never know, you might meet someone who also has the same struggles as you. That's the whole thing about all those blog sites.. We feel that if we share our pain or frustrations, they might somehow lessen.. Maybe it's true.. that's why we have the phenomena 'friends' .. but till when can you rely on that. Be a friend to yourself.. Maybe that'll work.. :).. Be proud of you, what your parents or friends were supposed to be for you. Love yourself, how others would do for you. Because ultimately we love something deeper inside.. Much deeper than just a body.. Deeper than just a heart. If we were able to attack anger.. Fear still lies there.. As the root root cause. That root will be destroyed by the love we give to the One deeper embedded in us than our hearts.. 

Pondering..

It almost seems as if I am so sad, that my own dreams are starting to want to cheer me up. Ultimate reflex to that is not wanting to wake up to the bitter "now" which is the actual reality. Marsha Norman said: "Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you." The book my soul is writing about me seems to be just a fairy tale. Sometimes that can be unhealthy isn't it? "I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake." ~Rene Descartes. Who is the real lunatic then? One who suppresses their loony-ness or one who expresses it? A food for thought I guess..

So what is then the reality? The dream I wish to be in, or the "now" which I want to escape? The actuality is what we chose I guess. I reckon this is the philosophy behind it. Even though we might not want to accept something, we still have to live with it. It's better to be insane in our dreams than to be a loon in reality.